Wow, John Singleton

We had a guest pastor who is a great friend to our church. He is a pastor from England and he preached such a powerful message on Freedom... More about his message another time.

I didn't think that I was going to make it to church! A dear friend called crying because of her troubled relationship with her husband. Their issues are not dissimilar to my issues with my husband. Though I honestly would have expected more from my husband than from her husband. I heard myself saying to her that we are stupid girls. I pointed out that these men never lied to us and we knew what we were getting into from the very beginning. I didn't realize that my husband would suffer from depression and likely have mania as well but I did know that he was very immature, that he was never going to be strong enough to be the head of our household and that ultimately, I would have to hold our family together and continue to convince him that everything would be okay. But the truth is that my friend and I were willing to overlook some very disturbing and obvious concerns about our husbands because we both were desperately trying to establish a family. We had very different reasons. I had a little boy who I felt needed a family, a mom and a dad. My friend had helped her mother die of cancer as a 19 year old girl and she just wasn't able to consider loosing one more person. It also didn't hurt that we married the "big men" on campus- oh that definitely helped their cause.

I was really torn about how to advise her so I found myself using active listening skills. She told me that her husband was playing devils advocate when she talked about how my husband was handling our divorce and most importantly, his responsibility to our children. I thought to myself that her husband was playing his own advocate because that would likely be how he would handle a divorce. I told my friend that divorce is awful and painful and devastating. I told her that whatever minimal influence that she has over her husband she will likely loose if she divorces him. I told her that I believe that women grieve and men replace (this is not an original idea but I can not recall the author who wrote about this at the moment). I told her that I don't think that men replace us because they didn't love us but rather because they are experiencing all of the hurt and confusion and pain and anger that we are and have few personal resources or life skills to process these powerful and raw emotions. So they find new girlfriends...

Just as I hung up the phone to head out the door the phone rang and it was a colleague who needed to follow up on an admission that I did over the weekend...

I rushed out the door without my bible which feels a lot like the days I get half way to work and realize that I forgot to put on any make up!

As I walked through the door and got my kiddos settled in, a lovely woman came up to me and told me that she had a word for me. She said that she really felt that the Lord wanted me to know that His banner over me is love. She felt lead to verbalize the Lord's deep and abiding love for me. I really enjoy this woman; she has such a pure heart. I hugged her and thanked her.

John stood up and told us that as funny as it sounds for a Brit to get up and preach about freedom to Yanks that was exactly what he was planning to do! He made several points that spoke to me, touched me, convicted me, left me with questions... I just want to praise the Lord for this man, John Singleton. I love when he says things like, "I'm no friend to the Pharisees." He doesn't appear to feel particularly fond of legalists either. John made many remarkable points. One of his points really convicted me. He stressed that one of the ways that we exercise our freedom in Christ and in his kingdom is by forgiving others and he stressed that forgiveness is something that we do for ourselves not the person that we are forgiving. I believe this. His main point was that the freedom that we gained through the new covenant in Christ makes us feel uncomfortable. He said that we often try to slip back into the comfort of the old covenant because there were laws and rules and we didn't have the personal choice. This made a lot of sense to me. He also made the point that in the new covenant with Christ the focus is primarily internal. He made several more points which left me feeling profoundly condemned for my attitude towards my husbands girlfriend.

The truth is that she is born again. She is a sister in Christ and I feel like she is trashy and I disagree with her lifestyle choice and I do not want her to be around my children. I feel like a better person than her because I would never make the decisions that she makes. And I wonder if this makes me a legalist... I sat there asking the Lord to forgive me for how I feel about her and help me to feel differently. I recognize that feeling hateful things towards her only hurts me in the end. Christ called us to love our neighbor as ourselves but how can we accomplish this? Through the power of the Holy Spirit- I am convinced of this.

As I left the service to pick my children up from Sunday school, a man from my life group (bible study) stopped me to be sure that I understood that when his wife offered their support and assistance to me that they were not just offering me lip service. I thanked him. He asked me if I was getting enough sleep and I smiled and found myself saying no, not really. He said, you can call me at 2 am when something is broken and it needs to be fixed. I found myself starting to well up with tears. He and his wife are very kind and sincere. His kindness really was more than I could handle emotionally. I am still trying to comprehend why another woman's husband will offer to be woken up in the middle of the night to assist when the man who I had children with and lives down the road feels no obligation to me and only a minimal obligation to our children. That's too much for me to process right now but I will write about that more in the future. I will say that if I ever really do call this man than he can be certain that I am calling him to an emergency!

This seems like a good place to return to the woman who greeted me with a word from the Lord that His banner over me is love. Isn't the Lord remarkable. Before he works on my heart and soul to convict me, to discipline me and help me to grow- he reminds me that he has abiding love for me. What an amazing example of fatherly love. And this is one of the reason why I'm a Jesus Freak.

From the Word:

The Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we don't even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will.

Romans 8: 26-27

My Prayer: Dear Lord Jesus, I ask that you bless your humble servant- John Singleton. Bless him father for preaching your word to ears that needed to hear. Thank you for reminding me that I have personal freedom and with that freedom comes great responsibility. Thank you for loving me enough to do the work of shaping my character. Thank you for being faithful and just to complete the good work that you began in me. Help me to always be quick to hear and fast to repent. I choose freedom Lord as I stand in awe of your personal choice of freedom when you chose to die on the cross for the forgiveness of my sin. In Jesus name I pray, amen.