Let's Check In With The Wildman

I met with the Wildman today. I shared parts of my entry regarding somebody else's husband... I think that I more or less walked away with confirmation that it will take the hand of the Lord to find a man who meets my criteria. Don't misunderstand, the Wildman was very supportive of my thoughts but he added a caveat about men basically being raised to not be self-aware because that would mean that they were acknowledging weakness, not being dominant and some how failing. He did add that some men do the work, or do some of the work, to become self aware. But those men are in the minority. I think that those men are likely found in greater numbers within the Christian faith. I am hopeful anyway.

The Wildman and I discussed my sadness over watching our children grieve their father. He has minimal involvement with them right now and it is breaking my heart to watch them miss him and to anticipate their pain if he follows through with his plan to relocate in April. I often watch our kids and wonder how- how can he even contemplate walking away?, why- why would he walk away?, what- what in the world is he thinking? I confided that our kids are just not ready to meet his girlfriend and I am anticipating that it will only be a matter of time before he introduces them. The Wildman suggested that I share my concerns with my husband. I have tossed that around in my mind and I suspect that it will only lead to an argument and accusations that I am trying to control him.

I am on the fence about the value of sitting down with my husband and telling him that the kids miss him and that I am concerned about the lack of time that he is actually spending with them. I think this would be pointless as I suspect that he feels that he spends a lot of time with the kids. The truth is that he does not see them from Wednesday morning when he drops them off at school till Friday afternoon when he picks them up at school and again he doesn't see them from Friday night at 6pm till Monday afternoon when he picks them up at school. And on days like today, he arranged for a sitter so he won't see them until Tuesday morning and Tuesday afternoon respectively.

I, on the other hand, don't miss him- I just don't. The irony is that if it was really just about me- I wouldn't care if I ever saw him again but it really just isn't about me. And that isn't anything new really.

From the Word:

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him and by his wounds we are healed.
Isaiah 53:3-5

My Prayer:

Dear Lord Jesus, I have already witnessed one of my children grieve the loss of his father. I am finding it unbearable to think about watching my younger children grieve over the loss of their father. Lord, your word says that you are a man of sorrows and that you grieved. You know our children's grief. If their grief is breaking my heart than how much more is it breaking your heart? Father, please protect my children- seal their hearts oh Lord! Speak to my husband that he may hear your voice and know that he needs to honor his responsibility to our children as their father. Holy Spirit- blow through my husbands life and cause him to have a desire to remain close to our children and committed to being a daddy to them. Lord, bring me peace and comfort knowing that you said that you would be a father to the fatherless. Fortify my faith as you remind me that you will take care of my children. In Jesus name, amen.