My Beautiful Daughter

I have been a mom for 16 years and that is almost as many years as I was when I had my first baby. I feel pretty confident parenting boys. My oldest son will be 16 this year and my youngest son will be 9. They are very different boys and I have had to adjust my parenting style to match their differences but I do parent my boys similarly.

My beautiful daughter recently turned 5. She loves her daddy very much and has spent a good deal of time with him because we worked separate shifts. There were good things about the time that she was able to spend with her daddy and there were some things that weren't very good.

I am realizing how much her personality is like mine and she is at a developmental stage where she identifies with her same sex parent. I was concerned that she recreated the dynamics that she observed between my husband and myself with my middle son- whose personality is like his fathers.

My daughter is 5. She is highly functional. She is organized and extremely helpful. She is an over-achiever for sure and she comes by that honestly.

I was having a difficult morning. I am utterly exhausted. I have been working 5 days a weeks and out of the house for 14 hours one day a week for clinical. Sunday has become my only day off and I get up early to get us all ready for church. Last week I called in to work on Thursday because we got 26 inches of snow, my driveway wasn't plowed, my boys had a 2 hour delay and my daughter's daycare was closed. This week my daughter is being treated for pneumonia- she's a respiratory kiddo and every thing settles into her lungs. She is exhausted. She spent Tuesday with her daddy, spent the night at his house, was dropped off at school on Wednesday morning and watched by a babysitter until 8:45pm when I got home from clinical. She essentially hadn't seen me in two days and she was exhausted.

I was planning to work a full day today because I need to leave work early tomorrow to bring my oldest son to the airport so that he can spend February vacation with his father. I was hoping to avoid using earned time this week because I had to use earned time last week. I was planning for my younger son to ride the bus home from school and stay with my older son until I got home from work. My older son said that he wanted to stay after school for winter carnival. I called a family friend to see if my younger son could go to her house after school. Her son was home sick but she was willing to take my son. I thanked her and got off of the phone. We were running late and I was trying to move everyone forward. I was getting very frustrated because our house was wrecked- even though I cleaned it on Tuesday- lately, I have to drag my oldest son out of bed in the morning and force him to go to bed at night. He and I were bickering. I was pitching a small fit that I would appreciate it if they could help out more around the house, if they could particularly be more responsible for themselves. I look down and my daughter is crying. I asked her what was wrong. She crumpled and I realized that I was working too hard to make today happen. My 5 year-old daughter is feeling badly because she isn't doing more to be helpful. I knelled down, said a prayer, took a deep breath and told her that she is a wonderful helper, she is only 5, she does more to help out than either of her brothers. I realized that she was exhausted and just missed her mom. I brought the boys to the bus stop, apologized for my pitched fit which didn't phase them in the slightest. I tell my younger son to ride the bus home, I call my friend to cancel my request when I get home.

I had to ask myself if it was going to really matter if I used 4 hours of earned time last week and 4 hours of earned time this week? What really matters is that I remain absolutely available to my children. I am almost able to do everything that needs to be done but I am struggling to be kind and sensitive all the time.

I realized how many opportunities I have for improving my parenting style with my daughter.

From the Word:

Pray this way for... all others who are in authority, so that we can live in peace and quietness, in godliness and dignity.
1 Timothy 2:2 NLT

My Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, I want to thank you for all of the people who are praying for me father. I do not know how I would survive this divorce without the prayer of your saints. Teach me Lord, and guide me to be a better mother to all of my children. Help me to more readily recognize the difference between parenting girls and boys and teach me to approach my daughter in a manor that will help her to feel loved and supported. Help my boys to feel loved and supported by me as well. In Jesus name, amen.